Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
