when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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