Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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