break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
