I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
