Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
