Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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