looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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