his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
