I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
