Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
