So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
