A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
