just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
