I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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