thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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