Me. At least after what I've been through.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I would ride that face into the sunset
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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