What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
