I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize