This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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