the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
