i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
