we're chasing vodka with high fives
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
