pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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