Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My vagina just recognized that song.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
