when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
