I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
