guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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