im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
