I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
