i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it glows. i had to have it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
