Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
