My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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