the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
