so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
