you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
