She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
