Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
