oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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