He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
