Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
