carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
