Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
