the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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