loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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