I'm really into asian looking animals
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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