...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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