Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(864): View more from South Carolina

If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

wow.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah, it was that bad.

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(443): View more from Maryland

why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

(410): View more from Maryland

haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

(443): View more from Maryland

that only happened once.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.

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(571): View more from Virginia

What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment

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(620): View more from Kansas

If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth

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(748): View more from

I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao

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