I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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