just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
