I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
