BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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