I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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