Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
