He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize