I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
