Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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