i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
