my mouth tastes like poor choices
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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