your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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