You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
