in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
