"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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