ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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