u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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