did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
