At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
