Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
