Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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