your thong is hanging out like whoa
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
