so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
