I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
