i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We're too hungover to prance.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
