last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
