she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
