Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
