It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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