The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
