So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize