the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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