She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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