Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
