Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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