P.S. I can't hear my feet
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
