My hand turned me down
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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