hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
