so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
