I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
