honey bunches of taint.
my being single is dangerous.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
