My pussy is not your playground.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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