i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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