please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
