but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
