The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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