textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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