I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
