The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
