so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
