Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
