I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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