Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
