Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Never joke about your clitoris.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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