does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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