I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am naked and annoyed.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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