I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
