Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
