Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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