ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
